THE HOLLYWOOD FARMER

Our Man Is Down

2011-10-16T01:39:00.004-04:00

And out. But down and out? As in down for the count? Who knows.

Can't say it doesn't make sense. Why pay for "High School Musical: China" when China likes "High School Musical" just fine?

It only took a toe in the water out there to (re-)learn that it's not about who you know, it's about who you've known. And the new Disney head Rick Ross has known Sean Bailey, the guy who's right now sitting in what probably should have been our man's chair, for years.

Should've, that is, if Hollywood -- if people -- valued talent, intelligence, and experience over their old familiar relationships. Which they don't. And maybe can't. And maybe for the best. Community is not only how things happen, it's how humanity survives. The perfect is the enemy of the done.

I'll let (the two of) you know if I run into him up there on the hill. It would be a good move, I think, for a lot of reasons... one of which is that people around here are the people who have known him. But then that could also be a reason for staying as far away as ever.

UPDATE: Our man down? NOT SO MUCH. He got 1.5 years severance pay/insurance plus an office for 6 months "off-campus." Time to make his long-postponed dream-projects come true. Or maybe just massive-money-making projects in which he gets to keep (most of) the money. Plus some big agricultural endeavor? Go go original Hollywood Farmer. Let me know if you ever have any shit that needs shoveling.

UPDATE to UPDATE: Shit? Not so much. Spam, maybe. But sustainable ag needs initiatives like this too.

Upon Coming Home

2011-10-11T09:52:00.001-04:00

"Now we can get goats again!" -- The kids.

Deja Vu.

2011-10-02T16:14:00.002-04:00

The Victory Garden continues to make its way back into the re-awakening popular consciousness.

WE DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE

2011-09-17T13:15:00.004-04:00

Because WHO KNOWS what else AgriCorp's food is doing to us??

UPDATE: Think I might finally have come up with a script that's "out there" enough to get passed around as a calling card. My neighbor who got his start with The Farrelly Brothers inspired me to push the limit here. Maybe he'll find the time to read this one.

UPDATE to the UPDATE: I'm coming to the conclusion that hardly anyone has time for anyone else. Huzzah for my belated entrance into the real world.

BTW

2011-09-08T13:43:00.011-04:00

From FishbowlLA:

According to The Right to Breathe, a 21-minute documentary that premiered earlier this week in Santa Monica, approximately 5,000 people die prematurely each year in Southern California because of air pollution. The health risks are even higher for those residing in or near the so-called “Diesel Death Zone,” an area bordered by the 405 freeway, the Port of Los Angeles and a railway line. Director Alexandre Phillipe tells The Lookout that it was no fun filming there:
Phillipe said he felt the effects of the pollution almost immediately. “Within 30 minutes, I literally started hurting. I could taste” the pollution, he said. It made him think about the people who live in the area–mostly low-income families or older people.

Here's the map that apparently nobody's editor wanted included in any story about this blight, probably for fear of drawing the ire of anybody concerned with the fate of all properties thereabouts:

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View Larger Map

Meanwhile, in Santa Monica itself, a light layer of smog settles with the morning oceanside dew. But the ocean breeze keeps it at bay, mostly. But then, if I actually ever have to live in LA, Long Beach is probably my destiny. Writers get paid sh*t.

I can feel my asthma returning already.

UPDATE: NOTHING DOING. Writing, drawing, struggling, searching for a friend. Or at least a manager.

Learning

2011-08-17T01:40:00.000-04:00

It seems like everyone who tries to get in the door here ultimately meets with two fates:

1) They never get in and give up;

2) They make it in and eventually run back out.

What am I doing here?

Back in Santa Monica

2011-07-27T22:27:00.004-04:00

for a few months. We'll see who I run into. And what I can come up with. So far, my scripts have found no purchase. I choose not to take this the worst way possible. It's a difficult choice for me.

Been doing a lot of East-West bi-locating along the way. Managed to catch the stage debut of my twins Mary and Joan my future-guest-star Clare. And to set up the pool, this year with an even-better salt-to-chlorine machine.

The Hollywood Farmer. Still unsustainable. And loving/hating it.

Crap.

2011-06-06T16:08:00.007-04:00

OK, new plan. If I get somebody like an agent or manager to take me on (e.g., on the strength of this aforementioned thing, which I actually finished, and which one of my more trusted readers says is my best concept yet), I'm going to insist that I work from the farm and Skype into the writers' room. Because I think it's arguable that it's irresponsible to ask someone today to abandon their means of food production for the family. Unless they paid me enough to buy a house in SoCal with a 1.5 acre backyard. And the requisite water.

Meanwhile Moviewood is banking on sure-fire-international-splashes like this because things are so scary. (As it happens my pilot is something reality-bending like this.) But if at some point in the near future it takes a global village to make a film like this, and if every single country in the world is heading into a depression/food shortage/pick-your-disaster, who knows if Hollywood will be able to make things like this (or anything else) anymore? Uprising of hyper-local cinema on the horizon? As in homemade shows in the barn?

Eat, drink and go to blockbusters. For tomorrow we work our fingers to the bone to survive.

Just Delightful

2011-04-28T15:51:00.006-04:00

Oh how I long to be in that number of super-talented people cracking each other up.

WASTING TIME

2011-04-07T17:31:00.007-04:00

while waiting to hear back from an agent at WME and two working writers who say they're going to try to help me find an assistantship this season. Even as my resume and writing samples would probably be considered average for an undergrad at UCLA.

Meanwhile, after my dreams die, I'm thinking of training the chickens at home so I can make the next viral musical chicken video. They already have a head start.

THE HOLLYWOOD FARMER

2011-01-23T17:56:00.019-05:00

likes this.

And not just because someone from their production office was nice enough to get back to me.

Now only if they can get renewed for a fourth season. And someone in the writers' room dies suddenly. And they can't find any of the other letters they got from all the people begging for the chance to get their coffee.

Headed back next week. Head spinning.

P.S.: If anyone from said production team actually reads this post and would rather I not lift even this esoteric little segment from the Season One box set, I trust they'll let me know, at which point I'll promptly pull it.

P.P.S.: They got it. Much good may it do me. But it's good even if not.

BACK IN LA

2010-12-20T13:39:00.003-05:00

Passing time between meetings with something happy.

It's taking me back to my own college (OK, grad school) days. When TMBG still used an accordion.

Standing There - watch more funny videos

LIFE IN THE COUNTRY

2010-12-11T12:22:00.003-05:00

The winter defenses I set up the before the drive to LA (e.g., greenhouse button-up, wood-pile tarp, ice-dam-preventing-roof-heating-cable) have held up well.

The snowplow attachment on the Troy-Bilt works great too.

TWO DOZEN EGGS

2010-11-27T10:34:00.001-05:00

in the coop this morning??

Fuggedaboutit.

BACK HOME

2010-11-26T14:50:00.002-05:00

Check out FB updates and the Lickona Family Blog for the story.

THIS IS WILD

2010-11-23T12:05:00.006-05:00

Exclusive bonus video from mindFLUX: Dafoe on Foreman from mindFLUX on Vimeo.

From the production company:

"MindFLUX" explores the life, work and impact of critically acclaimed experimental playwright, director, and designer Richard Foreman. After founding the Ontological-Hysteric Theater in 1968 Mr. Foreman soon became recognized as one of our most important avant-garde experimental artists. Foreman has written, directed and designed over 30 of his own plays and his international recognition include nine OBIE awards, a MacArthur Fellowship, Officer of the Order of Arts and Letters of France and the NEA’s “Distinguished Artist Fellowship for Lifetime Achievement in Theatre”. The film features interviews with numerous Hollywood notables who have worked with Foreman, among which are Willem Dafoe, Yoko Ono, and Lou Reed.

"MindFLUX"'s inspirational themes are driven through Foreman's own journey and the lens of prominent colleagues and cultural warriors interviewed exclusively by Ride5 in New York, Los Angeles, London and Paris. New footage is supplemented by previously unreleased material Mr. Foreman generously provided. The film’s story is shown using Ride5’s innovative visual style--fast paced cuts, animation, high-end motion graphics and integrated media techniques."

Contact sales@ride5mediagroup to set up a screening!!

THE HOLLYWOOD FARMER

2010-11-22T13:26:00.007-05:00

is in Hollywood.

Actually he's closer to the PCH right now.

He's working on a very cool project out here. And still working on that pilot. And calling home about his greenhouse.

What is he doing here, you ask? Because it's about time that The Hollywood Farmer started living up to his oxymoronic moniker.

Actually, it's because he's desperate for work. And like the man talking to his Jewish mother on the phone in the CVS in the Palisades said, "No, Mom. If I want to work in this business, I have to be here. There are no shows in New York." (What about Ugly Betty? Cancelled, Mom. In January.)

Hello again. I'm the Hollywood Farmer. Still not sustainable after all these years.

Speaking of Theories

2010-09-22T15:23:00.007-04:00

Anybody else feel like the weather forecast is a crap-shoot anymore?

Wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that "10% chance of rain" means that in the past on only one day in ten under the given conditions did it rain which in turn depends on the future being like the past which in turn depends upon the CLIMATE NOT CHANGING.

Contra-indications welcome. Because although it's my theory, and I made it up, and it belongs to me, G*D DAMN IT.

More People Who Get It

2010-09-08T12:07:00.011-04:00

Click here to see the trailer from Surla Films on Vimeo. (Also check out Tape 6.)

You don't have to be a conspiracy theorist to believe in conspiracies. All you have to believe is that people sometimes work together to secretly do (and/or cover up) bad things. Like in a cult, for example. Or a govercorporationment. ("I am shocked! Shocked to find out that there is bribery on this oil rig!")

My Burn Notice spec has Michael helping a guy to get out from under the blackmail that's keeping him a member of a cult called The Answer. The white-masked protesters in that story call themselves The Question. (They hold signs that read "Question the Answer." Yeah, I'm that clever.) And now my friends at Surla Films have asked me to post a trailer by a movie that is declared to be the work of someone called "Anonymous." I'd say something like "Everything is connected," but that might make me sound like a, well, you know.

P.S.: The IFC is here.

The Kid From Reed's Seeds, Part Two

2010-08-21T21:05:00.009-04:00

See below for Part One.

Some quotes from the article:

Don Reed said he is elated that the farm and seed business have been around for over a century, but he has some uncertainty about the future. He said Reed's Seeds might not be in operation in 10 years if there are no family members willing to take it over.

"I feel very good about it, but I also feel not so good about it because there is not another generation coming on," he said Friday morning.

[Might be read as: "My only son has broken my heart into a thousand pieces. And then jumped up and down on each and every one of those pieces. Then cast the pieces before swine. Which ate those pieces, then shat them out, and then flies laid their eggs in them, and now they are being consumed by maggots which will make more flies which will make more maggots until every trace of our family's legacy is annihilated forever."]

The business, Don Reed said, has been in the family since its earliest generations in America. The Reed farm was started by John Reed and his wife, Johanna Wilson Reed. The Reeds moved from England to Massachusetts in the late 1700s before coming to Cortland in 1810.

Jason Reed, Don Reed's son, worked on the farm in his high school years before going to college [USC] in California. Jason went on to join the Disney Co., where he now works as general manager for the development of international film production.

"It's a treasure that few families have," Jason Reed said of the farm. Jason Reed said he is proud of his family and father for continuing a tradition that began centuries ago.

"We find one thing we're good at and stick to it," Jason Reed said of his family.

[Might be read as: "I found something I'm good at, Dad. I'm sticking to it."]

Don Reed said his son wants the farm to stay in the family. He also said they have not been talking about selling the farm and business, but merely envisioning a future -- one that continues in the same tradition as their forefathers.

"I want the land to stay in the family," Don Reed said. "I really want it to stay in agriculture, if at all possible."

I don't think the son (an only child) has a son or daughter yet. So what "future" they could be "envisioning" that would keep Reed's Seeds Reed's Seeds is unclear.

Our man really didn't have to come back for this. That is, he could have easily have begged off. He's a busy man. And he had to know he'd be in for a little guilt trip at the end of his long journey.

So perhaps he's the good son who's trying to please his father as far as possible (and if he's never coming back, perhaps he really did have to come back), or perhaps he was actually grateful for the chance to return to that beautiful place (and it is beautiful up there on the hill), however ambiguous that return promised to be. Or both. Any way you look at it, it looks like this guy hasn't lost his soul. Though to look at the photo, he may have lost some years off his life. I don't remember seeing a hint of gray anywhere in that 2008 footage.

I do think he wants to please his father. I do think he values the farm, the place, the tradition. I also think he's clear about his own creative calling.

My heart goes out to him.

The Kid From Reed's Seeds, Part One

2010-08-21T09:14:00.012-04:00

Two years ago, the original Hollywood Farmer came back to town to thank his high school AV teacher, who was retiring that year, for giving him his start. He also took the time to impart to the young graduates in attendance the wisdom of his experience "Sitting in those same chairs, in those same robes," he told them, "my friends and I pretty much thought we had it all figured out. I have spent every day since then learning how wrong I was."

His mention moments earlier of his recent meetings with "high-ranking Chinese officials" now makes me wonder whether by that time he had already figured out that Disney would soon be exporting/exiling him to China to attend to the world's biggest market. Or whether he had foreseen the upcoming regime change in the Mouse House that would result in the reduction of one of H'wood's reputedly most thoughtful and personable execs to a cog in Disney's world-cultural-domination machine.

Just as admirable as Reed's taking time-out to say thank-you to the man who taught him to look toward Hollywood from the hayloft was his choice of subject in his address to the graduates. Quoth the USC philosophy major: "Philosopher and theologians have spent centuries debating the matter of how to find happiness. So I thought, 'If the greatest minds in human history can't come up with an answer, why doesn't the kid from Reed's Seeds give it a shot?'" A noble endeavor. I think he deserves at least an A for effort.

O fortuna, valet luna, statu variabilis. Or to quote the poet Solon: "A man cannot be called happy until he is dead." Unless one can be happy in the midst of statu variabilis.

Battlefield Eaarth

2010-04-20T13:31:00.005-04:00

Like I said, I have to keep a hand in this. Because the storm may already be here.

The most visible change is what’s happening to ice around the world. But probably the most important is what’s happening to liquid water. Warm air holds a lot more water vapor than cold, so you get a lot more evaporation in dry areas, and hence more drought. Even easier to measure, and more troubling, is the fact that what goes up must come down, and what’s coming down are these intense precipitation events.

In the book, I describe the rainfalls in my small town in Vermont — record floods that cut us off from the rest of the world. But that’s happening around the world almost every day now. The 100-year storm comes three times a decade in a lot of places. Stuff like that is sobering, not only because it demonstrates how out of balance things are, but also because the consequences of a world run amuck are not to be taken lightly.
Lately, in the U.S. as a whole, local and regional action has reached more than a level of experimentation. The number of farms across the country is growing for the first time in a century and a quarter, with 300,000 new farms this decade. The one business that boomed in the last two years was seeds — Burpee Seeds was up 40 percent or something. There’s an awful lot of land in American suburbs currently devoted to growing grass, often with lavish infusions of fertilizer and chemicals. Turn some of that energy and resources toward growing vegetables, and you’re getting somewhere.

The Deadstock Chronicles, Part I

2010-04-08T21:43:00.006-04:00

A stray dog killed two-thirds of our chickens.

We get more eggs now.

It's a metaphor for something.

FOOTNOTE: The original Hollywood Farmer has moved (or rather, been re-located) to China. There's a new Hollywood farmer in Tinseltown. OK, in San Diego. As near as, anyway.

DIY Footnote

2010-04-05T13:21:00.007-04:00

OpenIndie is, like the local foods movement, about localism. Both "proposals" feature neighbors, friends, communities looking to each other and the resources they have to hand and "next door" to provide for their own needs (growing food for their own tables, asking theaters to screen the films they want to see). Except that OpenIndie is not a member of any given community, and yet it would have to be accepted by a local exhibitor as something he can trust, as "someone" whose word he can bank on. OpenIndie might say that they're simply telling me, the exhibitor, how many people of my community are saying they want to see a certain film play in my theater... but am I going to sacrifice a booking or even a single screening of something that Disney or Universal has "vetted" for me (i.e., deemed bankable) for the sake of something that my neighbors say they want to see (based only on the trailer) but might not actually show up for and if they do might not build up word of mouth about because the film actually has limited (or even little to no) appeal?

When you look at a locally-grown organic tomato, you pretty much know on the spot the wonderfulness you're going to have on your salad or in your sauce. But does a good trailer mean you're going to get a good film? Somebody asked the OpenIndie fellow if any films would be rejected for any reason. I don't remember what the fellow said in response. But I do think one of the problems that may beset OpenIndie is one of vetting, of allaying exhibitor anxieties (e.g., "Universal is saying this film is bankable, they're doing the marketing and the distributing; who around here is doing the marketing for this film, and how do I know it's a good investment?"). Even if the members of the community were petitioning the exhibitor directly (handing in signatures, picketing, or otherwise making a stink), this wouldn't be a compelling argument for considering a film competitive.

It all reminds me of the other incarnation of the "revolving online media showcase" I was "pitching" at DIY Day -- this "other incarnation" being a sort of Metacritic for the undistributed, with those found "most worthy" having their trailers/clips/press featured on the front page, the "worthy" being judged so by the critical elite (e.g., from NYT, LAT, Chicago, David Denny from the New Yorker, David Edelstein from Slate, Andrew O'Hehir from Salon, David Bianculli from NPR), the members of which "elite" would review one selected "nowhere" film/webseries/et al. on DVD or online per month for the love of their chosen medium, because they do in fact love and watch all sorts of movies/TV/etc., and like the journalists they are would be pleased to break the story about the "next big thing"... which is just the sort of thing The Industry is anxious about missing. Hollywood always cares about "art" at Oscar-time, Edward Jay Epstein has observed, and who judges what is "art" but the critics? Might critical acclaim from the greats for the undistributed become a new source of industry buzz, like "the boards"? This may not be a community-centered model, but it might nevertheless help the DIYer.

OK, time to start plowing!

Local Film Might (and Should) Be Next

2010-04-03T15:10:00.010-04:00

I just got finished posting that movies are a lost cause. Because of articles about industry leaders like this one. Cyrus is the best that the Duplass Brothers have yet offered, and they're among the very best that indie has to offer right now, but how many theaters will this play in? And so what hope is there for the rest of the world of filmmakers, especially for their all-important-for-your-morale debut effort?

Which is why I got up today and talked so earnestly about an idea for a start-up called film(yourcityhere).com -- a partnership with local governments to promote and even finance their local filmmakers, for the sake of promoting local culture, i.e., local coolness (sort of like our new local-foods market, which my wife founded, has done, at least in the opinion of our fair city). Kind of like winning the Super Bowl did for formerly-forsaken New Orleans. Local coolness could be even further served should the locally-made film highlight local businesses, landmarks, anything that says (yourcityhere). Cities/communities win, and every local filmmaker gets a chance to be spotlighted, not to mention find and support from their fellows.

A long time ago I made a short film in Ann Arbor, MI called God's-Eye View. It was my debut, and it wasn't genius, but it basically held together, and the PV's were decent. It showed at a "local filmmakers" show at the Michigan Theater. The next day one of the other filmmakers featured at the show emailed me to ask how I got that master overhead shot. It was a local connection with another filmmaker in my community (who wasn't a U of M student). It was cool, and something that could have kept somebody like me going (except I moved to upstate NY to start a farm -- and decided I wanted to write for TV, after starting to write for TV).

But of course giving moral support to filmmakers is not the only or even main reason for putting something like this forward. It's about getting films, more films, made and shown (and sold on DVD). Sort of like OpenIndie (one of the companies in the Incubator at DIY NYC) is trying to do. Everywhere else in the world, government financially supports all kinds of film. Why shouldn't we?

DIY Days FYI

2010-03-30T09:00:00.002-04:00

THE HOLLYWOOD FARMER has a Vimeo channel.

Screenplay is Now a TV Pilot

2010-03-26T13:49:00.000-04:00

because the guy I sent the screenplay to never called me back.

No, that's not true. It's because this is what it's supposed to be. It's fun instead of anguished. And Hurt Locker or no Hurt Locker, movies are a wasteland. (Except of course for this franchise from heaven.*) And I was a TV writer in my past life. And the pilot is a live-action/animation concept, which fits my profile as an animation writer.** And I've been writing specs in the hope of finding an agent, and agents wants to see pilots in spec packages right now.

Plus it's probably the best time to be an over-40 would-be 4GrownUpsTV writer than at any time in my over-40-year history.

Meanwhile, the greenhouse is working. Basically. But I have a lot to learn. Gotta keep a hand in this. Because there's still a storm coming. (So why try writing for TV? Two words: Counter-recessionary. At least for now.)

*And yet... Don Cheadle? He's brilliant but... I'm not buying him as War Machine. Hopefully not everyone saw Hotel Rwanda.

**They called the show a loss because it looked like it would be too costly because it looked like the card game would never make as much money as they wanted. After all, every self-respecting CEO has to be able to snap up a federally-seized penthouse apartment every once in a while...recession or no recession.

Blessed Trinity

2010-03-24T10:29:00.002-04:00

Wes and Noah: Life Aquatic and Mr. Fox (Wes also "begetting," in a broadly paternal sense, The Squid and the Whale); Wes and Ben: Royal Tenenbaums; Noah and Ben: Greenberg.

Since we're talking Wes, and since my little pilot is a super-hero origin-story, this post would be sorely lacking without a mention of this:

End of from-the-barn blog. Back to modifying the greenhouse.

Sold the Goats

2009-12-12T13:06:00.006-05:00

and the TV company I work for is selling itself.

But we have a greenhouse now. (It's the one in this slide show. But with plastic over it.)

And someone might actually buy my screenplay.

The Hollywood Farmer is dead.

Long live The Hollywood Farmer.

Let's See...

2008-11-19T14:42:00.021-05:00

...I'm getting even more writing work from the day-job these days, i.e., today, which is why I'm blogging right now (deadline is sundown, basically, and I can't take it) and why the God of writing is going to SMITE ME HARD in the next hour or so, and why I've made ZERO PROGRESS on the 4GrownUpsTV spec scripts (which may be pointless anyway)...

...the potatoes have all been harvested and they positively MELT IN YOUR MOUTH...

...the goats haven't had their bedding changed or been let out in the yard in about three weeks (which means GPS--Goat Protection Services--is going to be on my goat-stinky a** any day now because they monitor their goats using, well, you know)...

...and big beautiful fluffy flakes are falling through the late-afternoon-sunlight right now, making for a pre-Thanksgiving Christmas-postcard-from-back-home-on-the-farm (or maybe that should be a timely over-the-river-and-through-the-woods Thanksgiving postcard?).

Did I mention my inner city-boy almost bought a house in a village closer to where my daughters study ballet (and that they both have multiple parts in the school's production of The Nutcracker, which means they're going to have to buy cots and start sleeping over in the smells-like-never-been-washed-point-shoe-gel-inserts locker-room in a week or two)?

Or that the greenhouse film hasn't been put up yet, or that the ground it's sited on is mercifully-not-yet-but-soon-will-be frozen, or that the woodpile is almost gone and I have yet to call back either the cheaper-because-unsplit-wood guy or the people from whom I almost bought the Volvo XC60 of wood inserts to tell them that, no, I'm not actually moving, so get your highly-capable butts back here and make my hearth?

I didn't?

That's because I don't have time.

I'm writing right now.

Cooler than New York Magazine.

2008-09-16T13:10:00.015-04:00

That's THF.

The proof:

Dunst told the October issue of Harper's Bazaar that [the rumors of romance between her and Justin Long] "are the funniest thing on planet Earth. I don't know him from Adam. I met him once and he and his friend were kind enough to walk me home. I've never seen him since." Bizarre old-lady expression aside, that clears that up. On her future plans, Kirsten says she won't always live in NYC. "I want to have kids and a farm with lots of animals on a lake," she said, presumably brushing her waist-length hair and buttoning her prairie dress.

"Bizarre old-lady expression"? You mean "traditional expression"? As in "not-born-yesterday" expression? Is it hip to be illiterate?

Actually, NYMag...THF doesn't want to hear your answer to that. Don't know that farming's not just for the Amish anymore, but rather for anybody who's awake? Don't know that more and more celebs are waking up all the time? Don't know that this is good news? Then you don't know. We know, though. But don't worry. We'll send you a link.

Everyone Loves A Music Video.

2008-09-15T22:59:00.003-04:00

I know I do.

This is his best yet. It's also the most insane. That's why.

Burn, Baby.

2008-09-15T22:16:00.025-04:00

I knew there was a reason why I love this show. Sure, Jeffrey Donovan, Bruce Campbell and super-smart creator-writer Matt Nix are all great reasons to love Burn Notice, but at the moment I'm excited about the fact that there are apparently not one but two ag-types in the cast:

Burn Notice, a breezy summer spy romp on the USA Network, is the kind of regular gig Mr. Campbell long ago stopped pursuing, deciding that instead of chasing stardom in Los Angeles he’d rather make his own movies, write a few books and basically not get involved in anything that would interfere with his ability to hang out on his middle-of-nowhere property, a lavender farm outside Ashland, Oregon. "I’m a fairly antisocial hermit type," he confesses. "So I like it up there."

But Campbell hasn’t been there much lately. Besides working on “Burn Notice” in Miami (where, he claims, he’s prone to “projectile sweating”), he’s been out on the hustings, finishing postproduction and greasing the promotional wheels for his next film, an indie horror-comedy called “My Name Is Bruce,” scheduled to open in October. He directed it and stars as a legendary B-movie actor named Bruce Campbell, who turns out to be a liquored-up jerk who ends up battling a nine-foot-tall sword-wielding Chinese god of war (and of bean curd) to save a small town. It is not a true story.

A recent screening of footage from the film, which has been long delayed (“because,” he explained, “low-budget movies aren’t released, they escape”), drew roars of approval at Comic-Con International in San Diego, with one fan loudly proclaiming Mr. Campbell his favorite actor, ever. After which Mr. Campbell opened his wallet and gave the guy $2.

So now I like him not only because he's hilarious, but because of his apparently equal love for film and farm. But that's not the only thing we have in common. We also both projectile-sweat.

UPDATE: Farmers are sleepy at the end of the day, which may be why I didn't notice my Burn Notice star here is THF's first American celebrity-ag tag! Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

Speculation.

2008-09-14T23:24:00.010-04:00

They still made movies during the Great Depression, right?

WSJ writers who see it coming, unite.

I predict that every field (not just mine) will come to be split between people who recognized some kind of farming was necessary and did it--even though it made their lives insane--and people who scoffed and now are scraping.

OK, my oracle is done now. Time to pass out.

UPDATE: Well, this is some consolation, I suppose.

Country. City.

2008-09-14T21:13:00.009-04:00

Went to a barn-dance.

Went to the Flatiron District.

The first was about tradition. The second was about writing for TV.

Hello, I'm The Hollywood Farmer. Sometimes I'm afraid I'm not sustainable.

Because I have to be.

Again with the U.K.

2008-09-05T16:47:00.010-04:00

This from Gabrielle Anwar, the lovely lass from Burn Notice (which actually has an online clothing store that sells what's seen on the show):

I was just reading one of these magazines about nothing in particular...you know, about what everyone's wearing. And I guess I now have a sudden interest in what's hot and what's not. I discovered that I actually am interested in fashion. I don't know if I would actually incorporate that into my everyday existence. It's just not something that's as interesting to me as...growing a vegetable patch. [laughs]

The embarrassed laugh either indicates that she knows she sounds quaint or that she's bullshitting. If the latter, could it be that vegetable gardening is some sort of universally-acknowledged Activity of Fundamental Import (AFI)? As in "Of course I garden. I care, don't I?"

P.S.: Still listening for soundings from Ireland, Scotland and Wales. Shame on me for treating the U.K. without distinction. I'm rather Irish, so I really ought to know better.

OK, That's It

2008-09-04T23:21:00.005-04:00

We've now heard from from the last remaining English-speaking country that's not this one (see here and here, and here): Nicole Kidman sings the garden organic in Vogue:

I’ve been in Tennessee, just sitting. We have a farm there, and I have an organic vegetable garden. This is a path I’d not taken before. My mum’s always gardened. My sister gardens. And I’ve now conformed to the Kidman women’s hobby of gardening. And it is just a hobby. I’m not feeding the troops. [laughs]

Yeah, but...you were thinking it. Anybody's who paying attention would be.

Nicole is also pregnant for the first time. Some cute bits:

"Would you like to touch it?" asks Nicole Kidman.

I lower my hand onto the rounded curve of her stomach. It's as firm to the touch as a melon. "I just felt some kicking," she says, giving me the look of unbridled delight you might expect from a 40-year-old woman who's soon to bear her first child.

"The whole experience is so primal," she says.
"Just look at how I'm sitting here with my legs apart"—her knees splay out at a 45-degree angle. "This is the way you have to sit when you're pregnant."
"When I first saw the baby on the ultrasound, I started crying. I didn't think I'd get to experience that in my lifetime," she says. "I like the unpredictable nature of it. To feel life growing with you is something very, very special, and I'm going to embrace that completely. I don't believe in flittering around the edges of things. You're either going to walk through life and experience it fully or you're going to be a voyeur. And I'm not a voyeur."

Visceral, yet clinical; immersed, yet self-conscious to a point just this side of detachment. No, not a voyeur. An actor.

With Love, From Hollywood.

2008-09-03T16:14:00.015-04:00

My brother from out H'wood way sent these pics. He was location-scouting here for the upcoming "Beauty and Tranquility" from Touchstone. His old high-school buddy heard he was going to be headed back east for the annual family vaca and called in a favor. I hear Bruckheimer will be helming this one. It's going to kick beautiful, tranquil ass.

Ready For My Close-Up

2008-08-26T12:43:00.015-04:00

Just as soon as they call me. Cuz you know I had to nominate myself. I mean, c'mon...a guy who does hilarious commentary on showbiz minutiae for his vlog while milking a goat? That's what I call "unique."

Wonder if a farmer-filmmaker filming the farmer-filmmakers filming the aforementioned farmer-filmmaker would be too, eh, meta. I don't get too many opportunities to use the camera these days, though, so they just might have to deal.

The fact that Ian Cheney is helping to make this film seems a good reason to finally link here.

2008-08-25T13:35:00.039-04:00

is for Victory Garden.

Here's a particularly pleasing adaptation:

I'm in it for the revolution. But mostly I'm in it for the food.

I Don't Blog

2008-08-24T18:50:00.004-04:00

because I'm too busy farming.

That either makes me extremely authentic/attractive or extremely disappointing.

Learning Curve.

2008-06-27T13:40:00.011-04:00

acre = amount of hay a man can scythe in a day

schmacre = amount of hay a schmuck scythe in a day

one schmacre <<< one acre

I'll get the hang of it. I'd better. Because while our tractor is the kind you can hook a sickle bar up to, it's also the kind that runs on oil.

UPDATE: I am, in fact, getting the hang of it. "Before and after" pics soon.

Best. Agricultural Movie Line. Ever.

2008-06-16T13:42:00.004-04:00

KEE
You know what they do to these cows? They cut off their tits. They do. Zzzt, gone. Bye. Only leave four. Four tits fits the machine. It’s wacko. Why not make machines that suck eight titties, eh?

Speaking of milking multiple titties, I now have as many goats as I have kids. And yet I do not have as many kids as I have goats. Because some of my goats are moms. Hey, you'd be easily amused too if you were as brain-dead as I am. I feel like I just ran a weekend-long caprine birth marathon. Because I did.

Speaking of cows, Rosebud the Bruiser (bred shortly before this vid) has an udder like one. And because she's been separated from her babies (she kept trying to head-butt them), before long we'll be getting two ginormous milkings a day all to ourselves, once babies are off the bottle, i.e., off milk for good. Quite unlike Daisy's baby, Hyacinth (who was bred shortly before this vid), who was never separated from her mom and nursed right up till the day she started nursing her own, which she now does beautifully. Much to our surprise, since in every other way she takes after her aunt Rosebud, probably because her aunt never missed an opportunity to give her young niece a lesson in goat-fu.

In other words, we'll be filling the pool with goat's milk this summer. It should be good for the skin. Like the soap we'll be making from it next year. Unless cheese comes first. Which it will if we can't find a spot for the pool in the shade.

Coming Home to Roost

2008-06-07T13:33:00.012-04:00

Here's the official story. My question is: Has anybody raised the possibility of foul (or should I say fowl) play? In other words, do the chickens want their lot back? Or at least their own parking space, as in days of old?

In 1915, a movie pioneer named Carl Laemmle bought the 230-acre Taylor chicken ranch on the north side of the Hollywood Hills. He set up a motion picture studio on the ranch, but he kept the chickens. Laemmle figured movies might go out of fashion, but eggs wouldn't.

To help defray the cost of movie making, he decided to sell tickets to people who wanted to see his movies being made. He charged them 25 cents, which included a box lunch with chicken and egg salad sandwiches. The spectators watched from bleachers where they were encouraged to cheer the heroes and boo the villains. The directors told the crowds that the actors usually did a better job if they were given noisy encouragement. Of course, the movies being made were silent. As the spectators were leaving the studio, they were offered a good deal on eggs and many bought.

Maybe they could give the territorial clucks this house on Colonial Street. Only seems fitting. I hear that something like 95% of hens prefer Desperate Housewives over these chicks. There's something about Teri Hatcher they seem to relate to...

Cooking With Gas

2008-06-07T12:15:00.007-04:00

Petrol, that is.

Actual horsepower may be our destiny. Our friends at Cold Brook Farm have horses now; "Astonishing animals," said the city boy. Though our eleven horses don't eat all that much, so for the moment, it makes sense.

Fun fact: James Watt used a (strong) Dray horse working a cotton gin for 8 hours and estimated an average of 22,00 foot-pounds per minute (which he then increased by 50%) to create the horsepower-unit. The 50% increase was based on the output that he expected would eventually be achieved in the future by robot (i.e., auto-motive, or to use Mr. Watt's term, "horseless") horses.

Another Canuck Talks Turkey

2008-06-06T17:02:00.004-04:00

From Paste Vision (a podcast on Paste Station [on Paste Magazine]):

Ellen Page: I've been kind of obsessing about being self-sustainable [laughs nervously] before the shit hits the fan?

Josh Jackson (Editor-in-Chief): That's a nice place to be.

Ellen Page: My friends and I have been thinking of buying a farm and becoming self-sustainable.

Diablo Cody: That's a good idea.

Ellen Page: You're welcome.

This was in December, shortly before Not-Juno was voted Best Picture of 2007. Wonder if Ms. Page has made any progress since then. Wonder if she’ll actually do it at all. She doesn’t live in the desert -- she still calls Halifax home, keeps herself “grounded” there -- so maybe she’s actually familiar enough with reality to find farming (i.e., health, beauty, etc.) attractive. Somehow, though, I have a feeling that nobody (not even Ellen Page) is going to make any drastic changes in lifestyle until the shit hits the fan.

Then again, maybe it already has. Or is. A little at a time. Making a kind of steady spray. Sorry. They’re spreading manure down the road.

Lessee, so on The Hollywood Farmer Scoreboard now that’s a Brit and two Canucks, one talkin’ the talk and one startin' to walk…now how about an American celeb? Otherwise I might start to suspect I really haven’t hit upon the newest Hollywood trend…

Let Them Drink Pee.

2008-05-20T18:10:00.025-04:00

I hear it's a way you can stay alive in the desert.

No, seriously, it sounds like a great plan. All it takes is a billion dollars and enough time for the "purer-than-tap" ex-pee-and-poo water to make its way to the ground table -- which may or may not happen before you die of thirst.

Then again maybe y'all should just move:

Sun Belters, you have a choice: get used to the droughts, or move to Detroit -- or Cleveland, or Syracuse, or Chicago, or Duluth -- and get used to the winters. They're not as tough as they used to be. As you may have noticed, the climate is changing.

Hey, you'll like it here, Hollywood. Really. Promise.

P.S.: When it starts getting hotter, maybe our almost-near-constant cloud-cover will move it on over from the minus to the plus column, thus restoring our former cinematic glory. And everybody knows how lovely a big silk in the sky makes your pictures look...

P.P.S.: Did I mention that the whole damn thing started here? I mean, film? As in, the stuff that goes through the camera?

The story begins with George Eastman tinkering in his mother's kitchen. Do we need to come full circle? As in, home-made motion picture stock? Sustainable film production? Movies after oil? I'm on it.

Irony, Man

2008-05-05T18:40:00.044-04:00

Apparently some parents are worried that this $100,000,000+ film may be too intense for kids. (What, even for Generation Zed?) Well, phooey on PG-13; I just treated my kids to O Brother, Where Art Thou to make up to my birthday girl that her Mommy was out of town this weekend. ("Gee, Daddy, is it OK if I talk like that?" "Sure, sweetie. Though some folks might look at you a little funny. You see, that's a Southern accent.")

Oh, hell...what's a little moral corruption when you have a chance to treat your kids to irony as rich and subtle as this:

EVERETT
Yessir, the South is gonna change. Everything's gonna be put on electricity and run on a payin' basis. Out with the old spiritual mumbo-jumbo, the superstitions and the backward ways. We're gonna see a brave new world where they run everyone a wire and hook us all up to a grid. Yessir, a veritable age of reason - like the one they had in France - and not a moment too soon...

The Matrix and Madame Guillotine. Sounds like somebody's pop-culture studies dissertation. It also sounds like another reason to look forward to the end of oil: No oil, no grid! Unless the machines adapt. In which case we blot out the sun. Which we might end up doing anyway. (Part Four: Feed Me Your World.)

UPDATE: Then again, maybe not.

Seeds

2008-05-01T23:55:00.007-04:00

Remember South Central Farm? (Here's the printable version, in case you are not now, nor will ever be, a member of nytimes.com.)

This, as you may recall, was the end of that.

This is the latest update.

Choicest "you-just-don't-get-it" moment from NYT's Randal C. Archibold in June 2006 (first link):

Schools in Los Angeles are deteriorating. Gang warfare has increased in some areas. Many people can scarcely afford homes. But for a certain set of celebrity environmental activists, it is the farm, and the threat of a developer's bulldozer clearing away the cactuses, corn, squash, medicinal herbs and other plantings of mostly Latino squatters on a nearly 14-acre verdant area surrounded by a patchwork of warehouses, that commands their intervention.

Ms. Hannah's seemingly anticipatory response:

Ms. Hannah said the cause has drawn so much star power because more is at stake than the fate of what organizers call "the largest urban farm in the country." The farm, she said, has come to symbolize a lost way of life, a joining of community against the urban tide. "It's great for community," Ms. Hannah said, the howl and clanging of nearby trains breaking the idyllic air. "And one thing responsible for the breakdown of society is a lack of community."

Ms. Hannah may be a bit flaky, but this only makes her simple rightness here all the more embarrassing for all the "socially-conscious" Randal C.'s out there.

Would it help the farmers change the world if they won in court? Probably not. Law is not attractive. Health and beauty are.

UPDATE: Meanwhile, back east...

The Other Side of the Pond

2008-05-01T18:25:00.009-04:00

Anybody know to whom can I pitch the American re-make of this ?

P.S.: Even if that show wasn't edited here, of course it should have been. See, that's where I should have ended up working. If I had been born somewhere else. Or maybe gone to school here. (I went here.) And of course England is where this "ex"-celebrity's new farm is. See how it all fits together?

P.P.S.: There must be a sniglet for "a random collection of favored links which must then be forcibly related by means of several ham-handed segues to conceal their randomness." Because just like "a child's kiss-ass announcement that he/she is not at this moment engaged in the behavior another child is currently being scolded for," this sort of thing happens all the time.

Do You Want To Know...

2008-05-01T18:05:00.009-04:00

...what...it...is?
You should.

The All-Consuming Car

2008-05-01T13:30:00.009-04:00

Part One: Feed Me Your Treasure.

"This is not about downsizing. It's about needing gas money," said Nancy Baughman, founder of eBizAuctions.

(Wipe that smile off your face, honey. A semblance of humility is what's called for when you're making money off the desperate. It's just good manners.)

Part Two: Feed Me Your Food.

Rapid economic growth in China and India has increased demand for meat there, and exports of U.S. products, such as corn, have set records as the weak dollar has made them cheaper. That's lowered the supply of corn available for sale in the U.S., raising prices here. Ethanol production has also diverted corn from dinner tables and into fuel tanks. Soybean prices have gone up as farmers switched more of their acreage to corn.

Part Three: Feed Me Your Life.

BREAKING NEWS: Guess someone figured out that it's hazardous to drive while starving. Not that we need to keep up our national consumption of Doritos...but maybe it's a sign that we as a nation are actually aware of non-automotive entities. Of course, if you can't drive to the job where you earn the money to buy what little food you can afford...do you still get a choice of hand-basket?

BONUS DOOM: Move over, hormones.

Someone Out Standing in My Field

2008-04-28T17:55:00.008-04:00

This is what happens when you go Googling for friends: You find someone who seems for all the world like he/she would be sympathetic to your particular bent (in a nice way, I mean), only to find that this person appears to be committed to not talking to you or anyone else. (Actually, in the blogosphere, this may be a sign of health.)

Somehow I doubt this particular person checks Technorati, so linking to her probably isn't going to sow the seeds of love either. Que sera.

UPDATE: Like this post. Favorite graf starts with "i think of it like this..." Nice bit:

tv can be poison. video games are poison. screens are unneccessary for so many. children need to feel what's real: leaves, dirt, wood... they don't need to climb on rubber play sets and fade into a world of screens and bells and whistles.

throw your tv out. play a game with your kid. make your kid get bored- boredom breeds creativity. otherwise, give 'em screens, buy them games, and teach them to live in a world of un-reality.

(Full disclosure: I have a TV, write for TV and own a playset. But we only watch videos, we only watch the episodes of the show I write for on DVD or online, and the timbers of the playset are all made from the cores of cedar trees. So that takes at least half the curse off, right?)

Anakin Skywalker Buys The Farm

2008-04-25T14:05:00.011-04:00

Not this farm.

This one.

Here's something about it from somewhere else:

"I recently acquired a farm north of Toronto,” Christensen announces, “and I just bought a big excavator and a dump truck and a bobcat – construction toys. I plan to start building soon. I can’t wait to go out there and move dirt and get my hands dirty.” He bought his heavy-duty vehicles at an auction in Southern Ontario, where to his immense pleasure the people were far more intent on ogling gear than celebrities. “It’s currently a hay farm, but I want it to be a working farm. I want to fill the barn with livestock. First pigs, then cattle and horses."

Most provocative line from the Cele|bitchy post:

Lots of celebs live on cute, trendy farms. But I’m pretty sure none of them own dump trucks that they use to move dirt around their property. And if they do, they must be hip enough to keep quiet about it.

Apparently they're also "hip enough to keep quiet" about their trendiness. Farm life all the rage in Hollywood? Who knew?

Is there an RSS feed for outings of covert celeb farmers (faux or no)? Or is that my job?

UPDATE: I don't think this counts, as she's apparently not working anymore. But then, maybe what this shows is that Hollywood and non-faux farming are like vegetable oil and bottled water?...

A Ballad Mourning Tradition

2008-04-13T22:22:00.003-04:00

UPDATE: Looping this in your head helps you to keep working. I don't what that says, but I think it's good.

Bringing Down Ben

2008-04-07T13:12:00.011-04:00

This is Ben Mezrich.

This is Ben Mezrich on Hollywood.

Any questions?

There should be.

Like about Ben's answer to this question:

tbc: You got the movie deal even after exposing Hollywood's tracking boards in your Wired piece?

BM: That worked in a positive way. They like any kind of publicity. I didn't say anything people didn't already know: that Hollywood is a big game.

Actually, what he said in that piece were things like:

If the rumors are true, it means that the fix is in: major collusions between studios, arbitrary blackballing, a system that mocks any standard of fair play.

Opinions are one thing. But collusive behavior, or manipulative lies - like the pumping and dumping on an Internet stock board - these are more complicated issues. With no regulation, there's just no way to know how dirty the system really is.

I've seen how the system works, and can no longer pretend that projects are considered purely on their own merits. I am an insider now, reeling from a week that started in Utah, passed through LA, and ended in Sin City. I'm not starstruck anymore. I'm angry.

Guess schmooze, booze and flooze have a way of taking the edge off.

News from the Come-Back-Home Front

2008-04-04T17:05:00.005-04:00

Ran out of hay yesterday, called our pals at Cold Brook Farm who usually hook us up, but they're out 'till the next cutting at the farm next door (i.e., June). So in desperation I took myself to the top of the south hill overlooking Cortland to a certain venerable establishment (farm founded 1810) for a) a couple of emergency bales of the grassiest horse/cow hay they had (goats are picky, picky, picky) and b) info on what seeds we should use to start growing hay that our goats will deign to eat.

I got to chatting with Dave, long-time business partner and friend of the family, and learned that the boy who broke that family's generations-long chain of farmers and headed for Hollywood (he got into USC film school--plus the barns aggravated his asthma) was coming home for a commencement speech at his high-school alma mater. (This local boy made good, you see, and is now helming pictures like Enchanted and National Treasure: Book of Secrets.) Moreover, this same local boy has reportedly been making noises about taking up residence in a house on the family farm. This after finally buying a house in the Hills--or somewhere equally astonishing, I can't remember--the top of Mount Olympus? Anyway, he's never there, says Dave. Is the "original Hollywood Farmer" looking to settle down back east?

Small talk travels fast in a small town. Updates as I get them.

The Latest Casualty of the Iraq War:

2008-04-01T14:22:00.007-04:00

Jessica Queller's breasts.

Because an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of flesh. Or something.

Little known fact: The likelihood of Saddam Hussein developing WMDs from that great big nuclear stockpile of his was figured at 85.9 percent. So it actually makes perfect sense that Jessica declared war on her boobs.

In other news, come to the farm. For one thing, I need to fill a few stalls in the writers' barn. Writers' room. I need to fill a few seats in the writers' room. I also need fewer than two lives. Even if one is only imaginary.

Hey.

2008-03-30T16:21:00.004-04:00

A vlog is a blog.

"Wow...that is so much less work," said my lazy ass.

Endings.

2008-02-14T12:01:00.004-05:00

The end is the best part.

Why we are here.

2008-01-23T11:20:00.001-05:00

Goat love. Alien love.

2008-01-12T10:38:00.001-05:00

Sex. Babies. Reality.

2008-01-08T09:35:00.002-05:00

Oh yes. We are, in fact, keeping it real.

Fertile mucous. Box office.

2008-01-05T12:08:00.001-05:00

Teething troubles.

Glamorous.

2008-01-01T12:00:00.003-05:00

The one that started it all. Whatever it is.

THE HOLLYWOOD FARMER

Our Man Is Down

Upon Coming Home

Deja Vu.

WE DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE

BTW

Learning

Back in Santa Monica

Crap.

Just Delightful

MORE MUSICAL VIDEO-TYPE GOODNESS

WASTING TIME

THE HOLLYWOOD FARMER

BACK IN LA

LIFE IN THE COUNTRY

TWO DOZEN EGGS

BACK HOME

THIS IS WILD

THE HOLLYWOOD FARMER

Speaking of Theories

More People Who Get It

The Kid From Reed's Seeds, Part Two

The Kid From Reed's Seeds, Part One

Battlefield Eaarth

The Deadstock Chronicles, Part I

DIY Footnote

Local Film Might (and Should) Be Next

DIY Days FYI

Screenplay is Now a TV Pilot

Blessed Trinity

Sold the Goats

Let's See...

Cooler than New York Magazine.

Everyone Loves A Music Video.

Burn, Baby.

Speculation.

Country. City.

Again with the U.K.

OK, That's It

With Love, From Hollywood.

Ready For My Close-Up

I Don't Blog

Learning Curve.

Best. Agricultural Movie Line. Ever.

Coming Home to Roost

Cooking With Gas

Another Canuck Talks Turkey

Let Them Drink Pee.

Irony, Man

Seeds

The Other Side of the Pond

Do You Want To Know...

The All-Consuming Car

Someone Out Standing in My Field

Anakin Skywalker Buys The Farm

A Ballad Mourning Tradition

Bringing Down Ben

News from the Come-Back-Home Front

The Latest Casualty of the Iraq War:

Hey.

Endings.

Why we are here.

Goat love. Alien love.

Sex. Babies. Reality.

Fertile mucous. Box office.

Glamorous.